“I would never have gotten married at 18. I feel that a woman, like a man, has to experience a lot of things. You have to live your own life.”
Vicky Steiner
Interview with Vicky
Can you give me your full name?
Victoria Babani Lemor
Is there a story behind your name?
Yes, of course I was born just when the second world war ended which ended at the end of 1944. In January or February, the victory of the allies was already fully consolidated, and my parents decided to give me the name Victoria because of the victory achieved by the allies.
What is your date of birth?
August 17, 1945.
Do you know anything about day you were born?
Well, I know I was born in the Hospital Ingles that is in Mexico City. I was the fourth daughter of my parents. I am the youngest of four women. I think it was a great disappointment for my parents to have had the fourth child also be a woman. They were looking for a boy.
My mom came from Turkey [to Mexico]. My dad and my mom were both born in Turkey. My dad left Turkey when he turned 18 because military service was mandatory in Turkey, and people who enrolled were mistreated a lot–military service was very difficult in Turkey at that time. So he and three other friends decided to leave Turkey and emigrate to America. The first country they arrived to was Cuba, and they lived there for six years. They left Cuba because the humid climate was hurting one of their friends who had tuberculosis, and had to leave to get better. So that’s how they got to Mexico City. It was a better climate for him.
My dad was living in Mexico, and his mom decided to send him pictures of single girls in Istanbul, Turkey so that he could choose someone to marry. At that time, my parents decided to also because the situation in Istanbul had gotten very difficult. This was during the 20’s. The first world war had just ended so the situation was very precarious in Istanbul and Turkey. So they too emigrated to America. Going back to my parents’ story, my dad’s mom sent him the pictures, and my dad chose my mom. So spoke to my mom’s mom, and asked her if she could write letters to her. And that’s how they started sending letter to each.
He was in Mexico and my mom was still in Turkey. My mom was 18 years old or about to turn 18, and she started to talk to him. My dad told her that if she decided to come to live in Mexico, he promised her that he would always take care of her and that they would form a very beautiful family. My mom decided to come, and she brought her my dad’s sister along. They got married in Mexico once she arrived to the port of Veracruz. Immediately after that they had their first baby. At that time, it was customary to have a home birth, and since the baby was entangled with the umbilical cord, the baby was died. For my dad it was a very hard blow–so you can imagine that he was very frustrated since he had only girls. They had the firt, the second, the third, and then they had me. The disappointment was very big. They really wanted a boy.
How was growing up?
We grew up with a lot of love. My mom was fully dedicated to us. I went to school. Had a beatuful childhood. And then I ¿finished high school and then when I turned 18, I decided to become a bilingual secretary. I worked 6 months and after that I got married.
How did you meet your husband?
I met him at the sports club which was the place where we all socialized. We started dating when I was 16, and got married when I turned 18. After that, I dedicated my life to my children. When I reached 35 years I realized that this was not the life that I wanted. I wanted to study– I really wanted to study Psychology. But to my surprise, my high school was not valid because I went to an American school. So I decided to look for a I started working at a small factory that manufactured plastic. I did was in the sales department. But then at 23 I decided to get a divorce. The story is quite complicated. But then 4 years later I started dating the man that became my second husband. We worked together–I really enjoyed my work.
Did you feel any difference for being a woman in that, in your work life in general?
No, I never felt it. Maybe because I grew up in an environment where being a woman meant you were treated different than a man, less than. It was normal for me to earn less than menI didn’t even question it. Even the fact that I worked was an anomaly for a woman. At first my husband prohibited me from working I, had to stay at home, taking care of the kids and everything. But then things got difficult economically, and he had no choice but to let me work. We needed the income–that’s how I was able to get divorced. I had the financial stability to do it.
When you divorced did you ever feel social judgement?
Yes, a lot. I suffered a lot from the scrutiny. It was a scandal even in my own house–being from a family that is so traditional. I had to put on a brave face. It was the most difficult time in my life. I felt very frustrated. And so, I started going to psychoanalysis. I think that was the greatest blessing for me. Because a new world opened up for me. It changed my life. It opened up the panorama. I realize, “you are capable of working, you are capable of producing, and you don’t need a man to sustain you. So, I started working, and the got married again. Me second marriage was beautiful. I would say that it was my life’s prize.
Did you decide to have children?
Yes, I had three children from my first marriage, and dint have any in my second. My second husband already had children from his first marriage, so together we formed a beautiful family. My husband’s family is very warm, they welcomed us. Even after his death, because he died 17 years ago and despite that we have continued being family. They come to my house every week and we get together to eateat together. We have a beautiful relationship.
I kept on working, and I still do.I still enjoy it. I think that at my age it is when you enjoy it the most because it gives you an activity, it makes you not feel old.
Do you think religion has played an important part in your life?
No. I like to be a Jew. I feel totally Jewish. I would never contemplate abandoning Judaism. But I don’t like to get involved in religion. I’ve never liked religion in any religion. You feel it more as a spiritual thing of you. Exactly. I feel that God is with me, inside of me, and that I don’t need to go to school or pray or… Eat kosher, all those things. My parents were traditionalists in terms of the education of women, but they weren’t religious.
What advice would you give to a young woman?
I would tell her to always try to pursue her goals her dreams. I would tell all the young people to never sacrifice their dreams for anything or anyone. Everything is possible.They tell you that marriage is what women are supposed to do–the thing that they’re supposed to be good at, and I got divorced. I feel that this idea is terribly frustrating for women. That society still feels that this is the goal of women. I do believe that marriage can be wonderful, and I thank life for the children I have. But if I could see my life again, I would never have gotten married at 18. I feel that a woman, like a man, has to experience a lot of things. You have to live your own life.
Vicky Steiner
Mexico City, Mexico
The Wise Women Project 